Attachment

I’m having coffee and thinking about particular clients. Some might say that’s bad boundaries and I suppose that could be right, but before I get going on this post I want to say that I have very firm boundaries that in my opinion are excellent. There is very little overlap between my clients’ lives and my personal life, although I’m pretty transparent and I use my experiences and feelings as a tool if it is in my client’s best interest and not detrimental to me. I think about how my physical therapist uses her muscles to move my muscles and it’s a good thing, although if she was hurting herself it would not be.

I’m specifically thinking about the bonds of attachment that form that are mutual – it’s an authentic relationship. It’s hard to terminate that relationship sometimes and I think that’s healthy. It’s when worrying about my clients feels like worrying about my friends and family that it becomes a problem. When that happens, I need to examine the needs I am getting met through the relationship. I like feeling like I am useful and important. I like when clients feel heard, seen, and unique. I also have to be real. I see 30 people a week, and if I’m somehow communicating something less that that, there’s a good chance I’m getting my own needs to be valued met through my therapeutic relationships and that is unsustainable. I think it starts to hurt me in a way, and when I notice that I need to take a step back and reassess. Frankly, when I allow that to continue, it ultimately hurts the client. I want to manage the relationship so I show up as my full and real self, not avoiding pain and trauma but not integrating it into my core self either because the truth is, my clients have had many periods of being great before me and will have many periods of greatness after. Our lives overlap for a while and then don’t again and that’s the model. It has strengths and weaknesses but it’s what we have right now. As for me, I’m going to finish my coffee, listen to some music, get some sun, and be grateful for this fascinating job.