“Mom, Dad has a reeeaaaallly big pee pee!”

“Mom, I just squeezed my pessicles and it really hurts.”

“Shut the hell up is potty talk.”

“Did I tell her he is Mexican and Indian?  No need to worry!”

“I am really worried and thinkin’ they might pick Dad to be the next pope and I don’t wanna live in a temple.”

“I say hilarious things all the time, you just don’t hear me.”

“You need to add more from me.”

“I’m in your seat, fat man.” “You’re sooooo good.” “Dad, you ain’t the karate kid, you ain’t got no Mr. Miagi.”

“Both this show and the meat make me want to kill myself.”

“Dad, are we allowed to say the f-word when you give away household appliances?”